Can love be love
without sex?
Can a couple in this
day and age be in love without being in the sheets?
At the age
of sixteen I found a guy that made me appreciate life more than I ever had in
the past. We did everything a normal couple was doing at sixteen, except sex.
He was not a virgin but I was. He was eighteen and I was sixteen, which made us
sophomore and senior. We dated for about eight months and then broke up because
he left for college two hours away.
When I was
a sophomore in college I ran into him at a house party on winter break in our
hometown. We literally froze when we saw each other it was like a movie. He
made his way over to me immediately and gave me a huge hug. The next day he
texted me and said he really needed to talk to me. When he finally sat me down
to talk he basically professed his love to me. He said that for the past couple
of years he had been in love with me but due to the fact that I was in a
relationship he did not want to come in between that. Long story short we
started dating again for the second time and this time it lasted a little
longer than a year with two and a half hours between us. During this time we
still never had sex. We saw each other all the time and neither of us were
virgins at this point. I have no explanation as to why it never happened. All I
know is that what him and I had/have is stronger than any relationship I have
had involving sex or not. I broke it off for certain reasons, the main one
being distance, but we still have a very strong connection and talked weekly.
So the
question is… Can love be love without sex? I would have to argue yes. I will
even go as far as to say that it may help to hold off on sex. I see so many
young people jumping into the sheets to try saving a relationship or make a
relationship better. Do not get me wrong… I am NOT advising against sex in
relationships, sex is great. I have had sex in every other relationship besides
this one. Not having sex adds a sense of excitement and/or mystery and allows
you to know each other on a much deeper level. I am however saying that if
you are having troubles with all of your relationships and you’re having sex
with everyone who comes along… maybe try a relationship without
sex in the beginning. My sister recently told her boyfriend that she was going
to give up sex for lent and at
first was joking about it. After she saw his reaction she actually wanted to do
it. During that time period I have never seen those two more in love and
playful with each other. She actually accomplished giving it up for 40 days and
said it was so good for their relationship.
I could make
a list of things stating what you all can do to help or to change this, but this
isn’t really an issue. It is only a suggestion of something that could be beneficial
and possibly even fun. One can only be helped if they are willing to help
themselves. Maybe suggest this to a friend who is having troubles in a
relationship or a friend that cannot keep a healthy relationship. You could
even try it yourself in a relationship that you’re in or a future relationship.
I am currently working up the courage to try it so wish me luck!
This is a great
link for us as college students: The benefits of a sexless relationship in
college.
Ignoring the fact that this says no sex until marriage, this
link shows some great benefits about holding off on sex.
I don't necessarily believe that a romantic relationship is necessary for sex, I can appreciate your point of view.
ReplyDeleteI loooove this topic! I feel like if you admit that you haven't had sex or you are waiting to have sex that people look at you like you have 90 million heads!
ReplyDeleteKate, I am not saying a romantic relationship is necessary for sex by any means. I am simply exploring sex within a relationship.
ReplyDeleteOh I know that. I'm was just giving an opinion and saying that I appreciated your p.o.v. :-)
DeleteI really like this blog a lot, because I can really relate to it, and I'm am sure I am not the only one who can. You took a new twist on an issue that has been pounded into our heads in all of our health classes and made it more relateable for college aged students. Sex is an aspect of a relationship, but it is not the biggest part, or even the most important. I really liked your point of view and how you approached your topic! Very enjoyable to read.
ReplyDeleteI can certainly agree that sex and love are not intertwined concepts. Friends with benefits certainly don't have to love each other to have sex, and people can be fiercely in love without having sex (asexual). It's another one of those things that is definitely all too often assumed: you two are together, therefore sex.
ReplyDeleteI definitely believe that just as people can have sex without loving one another, so too people can love each other and not have sex (I mean, at the very least asexual people exist). And while I think that everyone will have their own feelings on whether they would want a sexless relationship or not, I definitely do believe that our culture, as Ashley alluded to prior, is placing such a ridiculously high importance on sex that when you say you're "with someone" they immediately think you're having sex, or when you are dating someone sex is almost seen as mandatory. I think we've got a to move to a point where sex is something people choose to do, and aren't forced/expected/etc... into.
ReplyDeleteInteresting idea, not having sex in order to get closer to your partner.(That could backfire if you are not both on the same page, though.)I like the link pointing out that intimacy is not necessarily sex and the importance of other aspects of relationships like sharing feelings about one another.
ReplyDeleteInteresting topic. Although I was interested in your personal story, I would liked to see more links sprinkled throughout. Maybe add what % of the college population does not participate in sexual intimacy. Often times I think people are confused what a relationship withtout sex could actually be like because every relationship we hear on tv or hear people gossiping about is who sleeps with who. There should be less emphasis and focus on people's sexual preferences, needs and occurances.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you ended up writing this blog, especially after hearing you talk about the topic in class. I totally can relate to this --- and I would be interested to see if there has been any research done about if this is the case with more couples than we think -- and how it helps.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog! This topic is a topic that should be talked more about, but yet people shy away from it. I agree with you, sex doesn't always keep or make a relationship better. I believe that you can have a wonderful relationship with a person with out sex, I think it makes the relationship stronger.
ReplyDeleteLike I said in our blogging groups, I think this topic is so relevant to our generation and I love that you wrote about it. So many college students feel pressured to sleep with people or to fit into a "social norm" that revolves around sex and I think that it's unnecessary. I love that you wrote about your own experience because it really made me understand where you were coming from on this topic. And I fully believe that love can be true love without sex. Sometimes people feel that sex bonds people, and while it does, I think you need to connect on a personal level first. Good job!
ReplyDelete