Let's Talk About Sex Baby

Can love be love without sex?

Can a couple in this day and age be in love without being in the sheets?

            At the age of sixteen I found a guy that made me appreciate life more than I ever had in the past. We did everything a normal couple was doing at sixteen, except sex. He was not a virgin but I was. He was eighteen and I was sixteen, which made us sophomore and senior. We dated for about eight months and then broke up because he left for college two hours away.

 

            When I was a sophomore in college I ran into him at a house party on winter break in our hometown. We literally froze when we saw each other it was like a movie. He made his way over to me immediately and gave me a huge hug. The next day he texted me and said he really needed to talk to me. When he finally sat me down to talk he basically professed his love to me. He said that for the past couple of years he had been in love with me but due to the fact that I was in a relationship he did not want to come in between that. Long story short we started dating again for the second time and this time it lasted a little longer than a year with two and a half hours between us. During this time we still never had sex. We saw each other all the time and neither of us were virgins at this point. I have no explanation as to why it never happened. All I know is that what him and I had/have is stronger than any relationship I have had involving sex or not. I broke it off for certain reasons, the main one being distance, but we still have a very strong connection and talked weekly.

            So the question is… Can love be love without sex? I would have to argue yes. I will even go as far as to say that it may help to hold off on sex. I see so many young people jumping into the sheets to try saving a relationship or make a relationship better. Do not get me wrong… I am NOT advising against sex in relationships, sex is great. I have had sex in every other relationship besides this one. Not having sex adds a sense of excitement and/or mystery and allows you to know each other on a much deeper level. I am however saying that if you are having troubles with all of your relationships and you’re having sex with everyone who comes along… maybe try a relationship without sex in the beginning. My sister recently told her boyfriend that she was going to give up sex for lent and at first was joking about it. After she saw his reaction she actually wanted to do it. During that time period I have never seen those two more in love and playful with each other. She actually accomplished giving it up for 40 days and said it was so good for their relationship.

            I could make a list of things stating what you all can do to help or to change this, but this isn’t really an issue. It is only a suggestion of something that could be beneficial and possibly even fun. One can only be helped if they are willing to help themselves. Maybe suggest this to a friend who is having troubles in a relationship or a friend that cannot keep a healthy relationship. You could even try it yourself in a relationship that you’re in or a future relationship. I am currently working up the courage to try it so wish me luck!

This is a great link for us as college students: The benefits of a sexless relationship in college.

Ignoring the fact that this says no sex until marriage, this link shows some great benefits about holding off on sex.

Pimps and Whores. Pimps. and. Whores.

Guy 1: "hey man what'd you do this weekend?"

Guy 2: "Shit you know, I went over to Lisa's house and she let me hit."

*High Five*

Guy 1: "Nice! Atta boy!"

Girl 1: "Hey girl! What'd you do Saturday night? I saw you leave the bar with Bill again."

Girl 2: "Yeah we went back to my place and well... you know."

*Screams, Hug*

Girl 1: "Oh my gosh girl finally!"

  

Random Person: "How many people have you guys been with?"

Guy 1: "Fifteen."

Random Person: "Nice! You're a pimp man!"

Girl 1: "Same here!"

*Disgusted looks*

Random Person and guy 1: "Slut!"

I would like to start by saying if anyone disagrees with me that these are typical conversations; go sit in the Smaug or somewhere on a college campus and listen to these conversations. I have been part of many myself. A lot of men honestly believe that the more women they sleep with the better and the more men a woman has slept with, the more of a slut she is. Also, men believe that men are more dateable the more women they have been with, and the exact opposite for women.

Is it true that the more women men have sex with the more other women want to date them? I feel the opposite about that statement but a couple of my guy friends think that it’s true. One of my guys friends said that the more women guys have been with makes them more experienced talking to women and that’s what makes them so smooth. He says that women don't care how many other women their man has been with. He also stated that women don't respect themselves if they get with multiple people but for guys it's okay because they get lonely.

As you can imagine I was shocked while sitting in this conversation and was a little offended. What makes this acceptable for men and not for women? It's not that I'm advocating for having many sexual partners but this still isn't a fair argument. To me, it is very unattractive when men have been with an abundance of women. The worst thing is when they are proud of it. A lot of it has to do with how they were raised but society is responsible for the majority of this argument. Male music artists sing or rap about how many women they've been with and what they do to them. On the other end of the spectrum, female music artists sing about love and their special somebody (with the exception of Nicki Minaj and a few select others).

The following link is a website in which men explain why “women are sluts” as if they have the right of deciding:

http://www.thegloss.com/2011/06/20/sex-and-dating/real-talk-men-explain-what-makes-a-woman-a-slut/

This link proved to be interesting to me. It is talking about the same concept that I did and gives a little more insight:

http://www.divinecaroline.com/love-sex/men-are-called-pimps-and-women-are-called-sluts

Same Destination, Longer Journey

                                                              Sweetie
                                                                                                         Honey
                                                                                 Girly
                                                                                                                                  Doll

During a recent conversation with a male friend of mine I was posed with the question, "Do you think women have to work harder to get to the exact same spot as men?" 

As soon as the question was asked, it was not one that I had to think about or even consider. The way he had asked that question had hit me like a bus. 

I was raised by a father who owns a car dealership and a mother who stayed home to raise four children while finishing her college degree. I was raised with beliefs that I can do anything or be anything that I want as long as I do all I can to get there. Everyone in my extended family has paved their own way in life whether they are male or female. Growing up in a family of entrepreneurs I have always had very high standards for myself.

This past month I went to New York on a business trip with my father and little sister. When we went to the office of a man who had purchased a vehicle from us, I went inside to present the paperwork to him. After he had signed the papers, I also did my part in the sale and signed them. The buyer cocked his head to one side and asked, "are you sure you're supposed to be signing those sweetie?" I was very taken back by his comment and for a moment didn't know what to do. I replied to him by saying, "While your comment was very rude, I have not been called 'sweetie' since I was about ten. I have been writing up car sales since before I could drive a vehicle." I was expecting an apology or recognition that he had said something wrong. I had not gotten either. While I said that he maintained a blank expression with maybe even a trace of amusement. I decided to leave before I worked myself up about it anymore. I shook his hand and told him what a pleasure it was doing business with him. I also added, "I enjoy meeting people like you in all different walks of life, it really makes me appreciate my education." After having said that I did not take the time to wait for his response. I smiled kindly at him briefly while gathering my paperwork and then walked out the front door. 
 

As a woman, not only do I have to compete with other woman on the same level, but I also have to compete with men who have an advantage. Not only do I have to compete with men for job positions but I also have to compete to be taken seriously. Men sexualize women to the point where they do not think we can be on the same level as them. No matter where I am or what I am trying to do there will always be a man who is one step ahead of me. Some men are a product of their environment and no not know any better than to think women are inferior to them. Some men know fully well what sexist stereotypes they are exhibiting and do not care. My hope is not to change the world because I am aware that one person cannot act alone to complete that. My hope is to make an impact in the life of every man that I come into contact with while doing business. I will simply do what I need to do while subconsciously showing them that I am fully capable of doing what they can do. 

I've recently realized what an advantage men have in the business world. My recent realization has not knocked me down in the slightest; it has motivated me to go above and beyond. I am willing to do what it takes to excel beyond all expectations of me and be successful in my life time. I will shake the hands of many men and many women in my journey and I will show my acquaintances what I am capable of.